4 farewells and a funeral

As I open facebook, I see that it’s his birthday above all my newsfeeds. Immediately, my heart sunk… I miss you, I really do. It made me think back to 3 years ago to that tragic day… it reminded me of all the times when we studied in Uni together. I also remember going to your funeral and there were so many people that loved you and cried because we are so devastated that we have lost you. It also reminded me the meaning of life. I remember how I couldn’t understand why God would take away someone as good as you. I didn’t understand why bad things happen to good people. But I slowly understood that there is death to remind us of life. There is bad to help us learn and grow from our experiences. Your departure has also made me believe that everything does happen for a reason, but sometimes it just takes longer to realize it. It has also brought me to faith which I’ve learnt how to be appreciative of my life.

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

I hate saying good byes to the people I love (as I’m sure every does) But I’m very weak when it comes to nostalgia and sentiments… but sometimes you just have to let go. It’s not because I don’t care. It is because I care – sometimes when you care/love someone, it’s more important to let go and let them live their life. I’m sure if you love someone, you would want the best for him or her and wish them to achieve everything that they have ever dreamt of.

As a chain of good-byes occur, I can’t stop to feel alone. I hate how quickly time is passing. I hate having such a good memory and cannot let go of the good times.

Sometimes I just want time to stop, for you to not tell me that you are leaving. Sometimes I just want to stand still, no more pushing uphill or running downhill… I just want peace, silence and stillness…

Then I question, why is this all so hard? Is it because I have issues of letting go? I read an Arabic saying: “Do something good and throw it in the ocean”

When was the last time we did something just for the sake of it? Where we had no expectations of what we receive back or how others perceive it? When was the last time we put in every effort that we have got and just let whatever to happen next?

The concept of Buddhism is that, we, as humans, experience pain because we are attached to things that have finite life. For example, we love someone who eventually will pass away – which causes misery. We grow attachment to objects that don’t last or we allow ourselves to define who we are because of the way other perceives us (or at least the way that we imagine that they are perceiving us). When we do not receive the acknowledgement or someone does not understand us the way we want them… Or maybe sometimes we just want them to get what we are saying and they don’t. We create disappointment, pain and suffering.

What if we can be free from all that? What if we just did something good, something worthwhile and throw it into the ocean and let the current to take it… to float it to somewhere that’s out of sight and yet we continue to walk along the beach and be satisfy that we have done everything that we could?